*WARNING: If you believe anything slightly religious you should perhaps put down your worry beads and go confess to someone that you've wasted a lot of time asking some kind of deity for forgiveness. If you're a well adjusted new age Christian who hums happy go lucky tunes while walking down the street with the Bible under one arm, please stop doing that. No one likes it and you're possibly the lest popular person living on your street.
There are many things in this universe that make me consider taking my own life. Don't get me wrong, this isn't a suicide note or a cry for help. If you think you might need help, please go here. What I'd like to cover in this particular article rant is music that is intertwined with religious meaning. Or if you'd like me to be blunt, Bible bashing Christian music.
I'd like to think that the history of music was completely secular. But the fact is that pretty much all music up until 200 years ago has religious roots. This isn't a bad thing because there has been some very beautiful examples of religious music. My personal favourite would have to be Italian composer Giuseppe Verdi's Requiem (Dies Irae) from 1874. Even today some of the highest selling CDs are just cheeky rehashed hymns pilfered from the huge catalogue that the Russian Orthodox Church has. Sure, this style of music is still being composed in modern times, but as you know music itself has come a very long way since the mid 1800s. But what really makes me lose the will to live is how backwards and truly awful modern religious music has become.
I know expectations are low when Jesus somehow becomes the topic of a song. There seems to be two ways of going about writing a song that includes the King of the Jews. You either beat around the bush so no one really can be bothered reading between the lines, or you smash the message down our throats like a Zeppelin with a giant swastika painted on the side. Do I have examples of these two methods? You bet your sorry ass I have proof!
Example one: Hillsong Church
Hillsong is a megachurch located in Sydney, Australia. It was founded in 1983, and for some reason has a direct hold on mainstream ARIA music charts with a string of number one albums. But who can forget their sinister dealings with Australian Idol contestants in 2007? Not me for one. But there are special rules in television land, and there's no law against a church producing more than one talented individual. What I find strange about the whole Hillsong 'musical experience' is that this particular church has gone for the jugular of the youth market. They model themselves as being the hip young uncle of churches who's down with the street talking kids. But the reality is they've managed to turn tired old mainstream pop tunes into modern rehashed evangelist chat-topping sludge. The worst thing is that we let them do that because, gosh darn it, these guys are so hip for Christians.
If you're living in Australia and you watch any kind of television, either late at night or during children's programming during the afternoon then you know all about this little vocal trio. But before I launch myself at a speeding bus, please let them explain what they're all about in their own words.
"My name is Keven and provide the rock that it needs..."
Ah yes. That equals Rap, Rock and Soul. The memories are painful, but in my hour of need, DC Talk still manage to act like fools. Would it surprise you to know that these guys have won four Grammys? DC Talk have been around long enough to have very fat wallets and perhaps some sort of cocaine addiction. They're just another very good example of the mildly smart men capitalising on the evangelist nature of middle America. That would be the chief reason why being hip with the kids and their rap music is not cool. If I were to whip out my decks and head on down to the local mall I'm sure DJ Hughmility and MC Ali-star could make some quick cash rapping about how Jesus saved me from an awful life in politics. So I'd like to congratulate and condemn DC Talk for continually being hip enough to grace our television screens for over 15 years.
*If you do take offence, remember, you are entitled to believe whatever you want to believe. Just like I'm allowed to wrote whatever the hell I want. This is the Internet.
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