Music that only homeless people would like

I'm glad you've managed to survive the tsunami that was engulfing our lives because I'd like you to take a minute to sit right there so I can tell you about music that homeless people like. The first question you well ask is, where would homeless people hear this so called music? I mean, honestly, homeless people do have ears just like you normal people who live in something more solid than cardboard. It's entirely possible that they might come in ear-shot of some music. Today I have taken it upon myself to shed light on what awful music those without home are into. I'll go one step further and do some sort of top five thing like Pitchfork...in no particular order...

Creed
There's nothing worse than kids who think they're funny when they're clearly not. Creed would have to represent the lowest brow humour known to mankind. Often I'd hear the rag'n-bone-man singing a tune from their 1999 album, Human Clay. One might say it's easy to pick on Creed because they still live with their mothers, but there's no excuse for being so popular and being so god-awful. I have nothing more to say on the matter. Just don't listen to commercial radio, ya hear me?!

Joshua Kadison
I'm not trying to pick on artists people that have charted in Australia. I'm more on a hate trip for my mother's road trip music when I mention Joshua Kadison. The man has been safely pumping music into the homeless scene since 1993. I don't know why EMI thinks this is a good idea given that homeless people prefer to buy scotch rather than CDs. Just quietly, I have heard that most of Kadison's CDs are so highly flammable that they are used to start fires in 44 gallon drums on winter nights. Nuff said...

Lady Ga Ga
I don't think there's any need to explain this one. I mean, she's worked her way up from the very bottom of the pit so to speak. God knows what she had to do to get a record deal in the end. Only Interscope know this. But props to Lady Ga Ga for having the gusts to do what she did....

Tenacious D
The best song in the world is, ironically, not that good. But the music video has the Satan in it. We all know the Satan is pretty much the reason we have homeless people in the first place. What I don't understand is why Jack Black thinks he can play music and act at the same time. I think Mr Black is the product of bad parenting. The rule is that you teach your kind that they can only be good at one thing, and one thing only! Geez!

Shaquille O'Neal
Once again we're dealing with bad parenting here. Someone obviously told Shaq he could be good at two things when the rule is you can be good at only ONE! Anyone who names their first album Shaq Diesel should be put away for a very long time. I don't know what else to say about Mr O'Neal, because there's just no excuse for him making anything that could be called music. Sure, he may be paid millions of dollars a year for chasing a ornage rubber ball around. Homeless people love this shit! They're always hanging out and basketball games looking for a free superdog on a ground. Shame on you Shaq!